vs Montréal

Another masterclass in "how to make a rival look like a dynasty" is officially in the books. Getting outshot 34-23 at home by Montreal is exactly the kind of gritty, low-effort performance that keeps the therapy bills high and the local breweries in business. Cole Caufield opened the scoring in the second because, apparently, leaving a prolific goal-scorer completely unmarked is still a core pillar of the defensive strategy. It’s comforting to know that no matter how much the roster changes, the ability to play down to the competition remains a permanent franchise trait.

Scott Laughton managed to drag the team back into the game midway through the third, providing just enough hope to ensure the eventual loss would be as annoying as possible. Naturally, a sluggish overtime led to the inevitable shootout death march, where Alexandre Texier ended the misery for everyone involved. It’s a special kind of talent to turn a Saturday showcase into a slow-motion car crash, but that’s the beauty of being a fan of this team. One point in the standings, zero points for my blood pressure, and a familiar sense of existential dread that feels as cozy as a well-worn sweater.